Just after this dark night
At the end of this never ending tunnel
After the toughest test of patience …
All those tears will disappear
All those setbacks will roll down
All those wounds will heal …
With a new ray of hope
With a new light of joy
With a new way of life …
A smile will spread again
A feeling will replicate again
A love will be lived again 🙂
We embossed ourselves
With a symbol of love
With a promise
To live the love for lifetime…
I still see your face in it, every morning
I still kiss it softly, at every opportunity
I still stare at it, while every lonely moment
I still cover it from the world, at every instance
I still feel color in it, everyday
With a hope that
One day the other half of this tattoo
Will remind you…
Someday, someone loved you
More than herself
More than anything in the world
More than any love story can describe
More than anyone would have loved you
Will not allow you to forget me 🙂
As I said in previous part of the story, to describe Zoya’s feelings, after first meeting with Rachit, after years, this collection is perfect.
Decision to not meet or chase Rachit anymore was something, Zoya could never follow. Every morning, she thought about Rachit and decided to not think about him but single ping from him would change her mind in fraction of seconds. She found herself vulnerable for many times as not following her own decision was something, never happened to her. Why Rachit was still ruling her mind and why she could not ignore thought of Rachit for a moment?
They say, while growing as a part of society, you learn to prioritize your social responsibility over your own hidden personal emotions. But it was working in reverse manner for Zoya. In Zoya’s words –
Loving someone from depth of heart is something you do for once only as you have spent all your emotions and energy to nurture that love, virtually or physically. For me, it was never someone else and thinking about Rachit for every passing moment was the way, I had been living since years. Yes, I had responsibility as mother, as wife and as a person in society but that chirpy, always live ME was missing and I knew the reason well. And therefore I wanted to give myself that chance, to re-live the life, I always wanted to……while being in touch with Rachit. And therefore, I could never ignore those rare messages from him. I was not sure, what the expectation or hope on either side but I knew that I loved him more than myself and I did not want to let him go, even after years and even after knowing all the real life facts.
And that communication via WhatsApp and Skype and Phone continued for months, even after Rachit left for US. Single message from Rachit and Zoya was used to lighten up (Sorry again, Rachit….I am not sure about your feelings). Sometimes, I thought, Zoya was on wrong track. I tried to talk her for number of times regarding what matters practically and how she cannot go back to someone who is already settled well in his life. But then Zoya surprised me, saying she met Rachit again. Where her determination to not meet him again, did vanish? I asked for details, as usual. And her poetic words to re-live that meet again and again, conveyed that something very warm was being developed between both of them and I was happy and sad for my friend.
She did not think what society would say, how she will handle something she could not do in past, what risks she was taking and ultimately, whats the future. She just wanted to meet Rachit again and again for endless number of times.
Does everyone do it?
Don’t we think about society before our personal wish?
Don’t we measure every action of ours on the scale of society’s acceptance?
What happened to this mature and social personality, dotting mumma and dedicated wife?
Is that the reason, they say, LOVE IS BLIND as it dims out all the realities?
Whatever it was, Zoya was glowing. Her first picture with Rachit, when she showed me, I could read both of their expression in that still picture. For Zoya, that picture was one of the best. She told me, how she and Rachit talked for hours, walked hand-in-hand, lied down on same bed without touching each other and how a heartfelt first hug transformed the relationship.
And as per Zoya, she could see those flames of Love in Rachit’s eyes too………after years.
What do you think readers?
Can you fall for same person again, after years, when you are already busy with your own family?
Can you love someone when you know he/she is not going to be yours?
Can you think of living your past desires while compromising on present responsibilities?
And above all, should anyone do it?
As per Rachit, these all “Should and Would” are norms built by society where most of the people could not live their wishes and dreams. May be, he is true and maybe he is trying to convince that chaotic mind of Zoya, whose heart is already beating for him.
I am hearing that Zoya and Rachit had met for number of times now and have been in touch on daily basis. And this true love story is growing well. Wouldn’t it be interesting to visualize these lovebirds meeting at some hidden place and getting lost in each other?
(picture : 123rf.com)
Before you proceed, I want to let you know that I am ending this story with this final part. Thank you for your excitements and constant demands to write next part of story. You can read previous parts of this story at Part-1,Part-2. and Part-3.
When Shruti asked me whether I read that e-mail or not, I wanted to slap her. I am not sure what exactly that feeling called when you want to hate and love the same person. But again, I got emotional. How she can do this with me, I murmured. I had tears in my eyes and I could only ask her – why? Why did you do this with me? She was moved when she saw tears in my eyes. She too responded with same line – why did you do this with me, Jay? Why? I was speechless. I did not have any clue what she was trying to say. No one spoke for another 10 minutes and we stood in that room like unknown to each other. Finally Shruti verbalized her heart and mind for 30 minutes, continuously. I witnessed all the emotions – tears, sadness, hatred, determination and value of trust, during those 30 minutes. She started –
Jay, I know you hate me after reading that e-mail and its obvious because I cheated on you. I know you are angry with me and you want to know why did I do so?
Pause with tears in her eyes …..
2 minutes …
Started speaking again with lump in her throat ….
Jay, I too felt same when I came to know about you and Manya before 1 year.
She paused again and stared at me. I was stormed. How does she know about Manya? I thought to myself. I never talked to her about it and that too before 1 year. That means she knew everything since one year? My mind was at work.
She continued ….
Jay, don’t get surprised about how I know about you and Manya. We, women possess special intuition called alertness. This intuition of ours analyzes littlest behavioural difference in the men and makes us alert that something is going wrong. For almost 7-8 months, when I observed that you were continuously late for office and you had two business tours every month, my alertness warned me and I had to investigate. But before I get into it, let me tell you that even thinking about you were cheating, was a pain.
I was not sure how to look into the matter. I did not want to ask anyone because I wanted to keep it upto me only. Finally, my study and some college time projects helped. Jay, I am a computer engineer, just to remind you. While our good time, you mentioned couple of times that you are not able to remember too many passwords and so you keep single password for all your e-mail accounts, messages and even for your phone. I started with it. Little bit of social engineering, where I had to try out different passwords carefully, left me with all the information. To detail it out, I tried your name along with birth date but did not work and so I tried Adi’s, as I was sure it wasn’t mine. And it worked. I was able to access all your e-mail accounts and messenger history. Last year, when you visited Switzerland, telling me that you had a perspective client over there, you left your laptop at home. And those 5 days, while you were enjoying with Manya in Switzerland, were the darkest days of my life. I read all the e-mails exchanged between you and Manya, I read all those intimacies you expressed via chat messenger and believe me, my world was in bits and pieces. I was scourged with pain. How can my husband do this? And that too, this was continued since a year.
I saw her face turning red.
Jay, you were a father of 3 years old and a husband since 8 years. Did not you think even once before going on that track? What changed you and the trust between us so much?
Again a hurtful pause ….
Seeing her crying was an utter pain for me but I could not help her as I was not sure what should I do to calm her. She held the nearby chair and sat on it nervously. I was not able to bear that silence. I tried to hold her hand but she denied and that made me furious. She was blaming for something, which she too did. I shouted at her
Shruti, don’t try to cover your sin by blaming me. You too repeated the same what I did and you crossed all the boundaries while cheating me as you are pregnant with Nirav’s child and still you are in my house. What are you trying to prove?
She wiped off her tears, got up from chair and stood in front of me firmly and made direct connection to my eyes and said something, which proved me again wrong in identifying her.
Jay, I do not know any Nirav and it was just a story I had to made to make you feel the pain, I have been suffering since last one year. I am not that weak Jay, I am not. I have been waiting for you here, having trust on my instinct that you will be back one day and I will forgive you. But by demanding divorce, you proved me wrong. As I did not want to pull you in this relationship forcefully, I decided to agree on divorce. But somewhere I needed to teach you a lesson and so I demanded that daily hug and one month time. And see, within 10 days, you have changed your mind. Jay, I want to ask you a question –
What if I would have met with an accident and got paralyzed for lifetime?
Your present behaviour shows that you would have thrown me out as I would have not been capable to satisfy you physically. Jay, I was busy with our child and not with anyone else. You could have discussed the matter with me, you could have take initiative, you could have tried to resolve it. Instead, you found another way to satisfy yourself? Was our marriage that frail? I am shameful on my decision about marrying you.
And just to short the long story, I have found job at another end of world and I have completed mine and Adi’s visa process. We both are moving to Australia to start new life, once his exam is over.
She said and left the room.
All I could do is weeping on spilled milk.
Shruti was quite firm in her decision and in spite of my numerous efforts to stop her, she moved to Australia. Its been two months now and I am living and dying everyday in this lonely house. I did not go back to Manya because I thought it was not the right thing to do. Manya too did not try to contact me since that day, strangely.
Next month, I am leaving for Australia. To meet Shruti and to ask for forgiveness again. Hopefully this time, only this single time, she will trust me. Today, I am remembering one of the favorite quote Shruti mentioned during our courtship years –
Love is not about departing half way BUT holding hands together and walking in same direction, on same path, with same values and with same respect for each other.
I am in hope for tomorrow but why does this today never ends?
Waiting for you tomorrow but I know I have to pass through today.
And as I have to pass through it, I am going to love it.
So love you today and I know as I loved you, my tomorrow will be better 🙂