Password of my …

The secret key, as they say

To access something special

Something nearer to my heart

Something I will never let go

Something I want to rejoice forever

And that is why I had encrypted it

With password, no one can assume…

But would like to reveal it today

To you…the special person in my life

All those joys, all those memories,

All those laughter and all those tears,

I have stored for years in my heart

Password to access them is YOU

Yes, it’s you my love

Who can access any corner of my heart…



They will discover me in your eyes


My heart keeps singing a new song

My eyes keep longing to see you

My hands keep looking for that warm attachment

My soul keeps yearning for that lost piece of it

Whatever life remaining for me

I want to spend with you

Whatever breaths left for me

I want to be with you

Whatever path it is

I want to walk with you

Whatever rhythm it is

I want to dance with you

Whatever season it is

I want to live it with you

I just want to steal you from you

And want to keep you in my heart

For rest of my life

I just want to hide you from the world

And want to create those lasting memories

For every moment, we are together

I just want to get lost in you

And when the world will search

They will discover me in your eyes …..


Love is nothing but unison

Unison of two hearts

The hearts separated years ago

To meet once again and celebrate

To celebrate the togetherness

And that togetherness is called LOVE

Where physical presence does not matter

Where no words work

Where no tears ignored

Where there is no difference between day and night

It’s a feeling…..

Feeling of intimacy

Where everything turns beautiful automatically


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This post has been written in response of A to Z April Challenge 2015

What if the pain persists ….

What if that pain in heart never goes … … …

Scream for every time

Cry for sometime

Die for one time

But before dying

Convince that pain

To be reason for achievement

And not for sufferings

Stare at it

Face it

And ultimately

Live it

Live it bravely

Make it your smile

And see how beautiful it looks … … …


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Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-II

First part of story can be read here.

When Aastha could not find Aayam even after taking a round of the college garden, she was sad. When you are in love and you are still not sure about the reaction from other end, even little things hurt. She never even noticed Aayam with in last year. But couple of smiles from Aayan, his helping hand and his statement about his attitude, made her think of him every moment. She was almost at the edge of crying. She started walking towards class with weak body and wrack mind, who spent almost all the hours of last four days, dreaming about Aayam. Aastha was not up to herself and was constantly trying to presume the reason about Aayam’s absence.


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Somehow Aastha completed the day at college and started leaving for hostel. She entered to parking area to take out her scooter. Totally in her thoughts, she did not notice the parking area and kept walking till end of it. Suddenly she realized that her scooter was parked at the entrance of parking area. She started walking back. Evening was almost finished and night was about to show her beauty. Aastha, the bubbly and smart girl was not in her general mood today. Without reason she was missing Aayam terribly. She was still trying to find out reason behind Aayam’s absence and while her mind fully occupied in thoughts, she heard giggles. She stopped and looked around. Almost all the students left and there were very few vehicles remaining in the parking lot. She looked around again to check on the giggles and found someone sitting on the scooter, in a corner of parking lot. Out of curiosity, she started walking towards the direction of giggles and at half way she realized that there were two people instead of one, were sitting on the scooter. She tried to look with stressed eyes, who they were but could not so continued walking. When she was about two minutes away from the couple, she heard a voice which sent a spark in her spine.

Oh my God, he is Aayam, she talked to herself.

Not sure, whether to move forward or back, she decided to go and check who was with Aayam. The couple sitting on the scooter was too busy in their own fun and did not even take effort to check that someone was coming to them. Aastha stood in front of the couple and in that dark evening too, she could see that Aayam was with Sangini, her classmate and a rich girl. When Aayam saw Aastha, he got off from the scooter and said her “Hi”. Sangini did not pay attention to Aastha and decided to hold Aayam’s hand. Aastha noticed that and suddenly she felt weak on her knees. Something inside was breaking and that mute breaking was almost intolerable to her.

Before her eyes speak her heart, Aastha decided to leave and started almost running towards parking gate. For the first time in her life, she felt good for someone and found that he was already taken up. She was not able to handle herself and while running, when she tried to close her eyes tight, she fell down. The pain of Aayam being with someone else was more than the pain of being injured. Aayam came running to her and gave her a hand. Aastha was not sure whether she should take that help or not. Finally, when Aastha felt that getting up without help would be almost impossible, she held Aayam’s hand and when she tried to take first step, she almost fell down again. Aayam held her tight and gave her support with other hand too. No one speak anything and once she reached to her scooter, she kicked it despite of pain in knee and drove away. Today she wanted to run away. She wanted to cried hard and she did on the way back to hostel. The loneliness her heart felt during last ten minutes was unbearable and she was not sure how she was going to recollect herself.

At hostel, couple of friends took her to Orthopedic surgeon and after taking x-rays and analysing other reports, the surgeon suggested to have complete bed rest for 6 weeks. Without argument, she accepted the same and allowed doctor to finish bandages. Her parents came up after four hours and took her to home.

Home was worst. The word bad and sad looked so similar to her that she felt her life will end with those words. She wanted to cut off her hand, she wanted to hang herself, she wanted to end her life, she wanted to not to see Aayam in future. Pain, pain and more pain. The more she tried to avoid thinking about Aayam, the more she thought about Aayam only. Pain of broken heart was growing day by day. Without reason her eyes kept welling up for 10 times a day and when her caring mother asked for reason, she simply said, I am fine Maa.


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Aayam, Aayam, please do not leave me like that, one night she shouted in dream.

The uneducated, villagers parents understood what their daughter was up to and could identify the reason behind her sadness. They took decision, the decision, which changed Aastha’s life forever.


To be continued …

Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME

Aayam Mishra and Aastha Mathur, the clerk announced the names

The girl in skin tight blue jeans and chilly green t-shirt, started running towards the door. The clerk stopped her and asked where Aayam was. To this, she got irritated. She went back two steps and just stood silently. She could see Aayam coming with relaxed footsteps. She got irritated again. Here I am dying due to anxiety and this fellow has nothing to do with the exam, she murmured to herself.

It was the year of 1990, A Government Hospital room was turned to exam room where students of this medical college were supposed to prove their abilities about what they learned within last year. The first year students were indeed in tension and were quite upset with this practical exam. Aastha, the small town girl, was really worried, whereas her partner – Aayam was totally relaxed. Aastha did not know Aayam at all. The only thing she knew about him was – he was the guy, to not to talk with. With 6″ height and dark complexion, he was never found talking with anyone. When everyone else in the class was busy with exam preparation, Aayam was being seen in the college garden, sitting quietly and looking at the sky. No one wanted to talk with him as he did not want to talk with anyone. On the exam day, when all the names were announced except hers and Aayam’s, Aastha literally got furious with a thought of being partnered with a guy to whom she never talked. And as Aayam appeared with a smile on his face, she thought to herself, weirdo, who smiles on the exam day? God, please help me. Don’t know how my exam will go having Aayam as partner. She cursed the announcer silently.

When Aayam started walking towards the exam hall ignoring her, she almost ran behind him. She wanted to shout his name and wanted to ask him about his manners but without reason, she kept quiet. Once in the exam hall, the examiner explained them the situation and gave them 30 minutes to work on. The problem explained by examiner was related to human genetics, the least asked question and most ignored subject by students. Aastha became nervous and started sweating. Being a first ranker in that small town school always, this was the first time, she was facing this BIG exams and after seeing the problem as human genetics, she could see her report card with cherry red sleeping line. She looked at Aayam once and found that he had already started working on the problem. She wanted to ask for help as she did not want to lose the marks but at the same time, she did not want to throw out her ego too. She kept standing there, option less. After almost 15 minutes, when half of the exam time completed, Aayam looked up and found her staring him. She immediately collected herself when Aayam caught her red handed.

Aayam asked her if she needed any help and to this her eyes welled up. The thought of losing marks was making her disturb. With unclear voice, she told him that she did not study human genetics. That was enough for Aayam. He prepared one more solution sheet for her, making sure it was not the exact copy of his answer sheet. He handed her the answer sheet and took his own and both of them submitted it to the examiner.

After coming out from the exam hall, Aastha could not control her excitement. Today she was saved due to Aayam. She ran behind him and told him “Thank you”. To this Aayam smiled and started walking again. Aastha was taken aback as he did not even try to talk with her. She ran behind him again and asked him, how come did you read about Human genetics and understood it? No one, I know, have studied it. Aayam stopped for a moment, stared at her and said calmly, I am not part of crowd and walked away. Aastha was impressed.



That evening, due to small vacation after exam, she went back to her home and for the first time, she wanted to run back to college. She was not sure what that feeling was, which was continuously asking her to think about Aayam. Those 4 days were like 4 years for her. The evening, she left for college, her face was glowing and her mother continuously asked why she was so happy while going back to college as that was not the case in past. She avoided to answer and sat in the bus. That 3.5 hours of bus journey brought her so many dreams – for her and for Aayam. At the age of 18, once you feel that soft corner for someone, you can not control your heart and mind, you just want to be in that dream and do not want to be a part of real world. Conductor shouted for twice when she realized that she had reached to college gate. She got down from bus and started walking towards girls’ hostel.

Next day, rather than going to class, she straight away went to garden. After putting on her favourite embroidered white salwar kameez along with paper print black dupatta, she felt confident. She wanted to talk with Aayam and wanted to become friends with him. She wanted to stare at him, she wanted to understand that smile, she wanted to love him finally. With nervous long steps, when she reached to garden, she did not find Aayam there.

Where can he be? She asked to herself.

Oh god, please do not break my dream before it gets real, she was almost in tears. Her heart was sinking and the thoughts during those couple of minutes, created a web inside her mind.



To be continued ….