Click, click, click….
The camera said tick…tick…tick
I was quick…quick…quick
And suddenly, my eyes did not blink…
Without wait I sneak
Could not stop to think
Looking at friend, I wink
As I see magic
Wanted to have a link
To capture that lick
Enough is not the word to drink
Hands were on camera to pick
Knowing what could be the risk
Confidence of mine shrink
I act on the fear to kick
And concentrate on lick
Am I becoming a freak?
Are they kink?
Not sure…. again I peek
And it’s still on…the magic
Would you wish to be alike?
Not sure why updating about love stories via words is always so difficult. I would rather prefer to tell this story in person to see and understand reaction but I know, its not feasible. So let me make you virtual part of Zoya and Rachit’s life, to see, feel, understand and experience what love is and believe me, it never ends.
While being truly into each other and most of the time away from each other, these madly in love couple never felt distance as a barrier. Rachit increased frequency of India visits and Zoya was used to run away with him over weekends, on the name of travel for work. Being with each other for the little time, made them understand how intensely they wanted to be with each other and what all kind of adjustments they were ready to do in real life, just to spend some time with each other. With every passing day, the love plant was nurtured by warm hearts and dreams of being together. But as they say, nothing continues forever. Life took a turn and put Zoya and Rachit on opposite ends.
That small moment of love started growing inside Zoya and she was scared when it was confirmed. It was not that she was fearful about society but she was not sure what to do. With Anup, her husband, she had rare physical relations and being nicer, Anup never forced about it. Her pregnancy announcement would have definitely raised questions, if not from anyone else, from Anup for sure. Zoya was thrilled with an idea to nurture the seed of love of Rachit and hers but of course, real life does not work with thrills only.
Zoya talked with Rachit and he was thrilled too but was not sure what to do. He was in US and was about to leave for a vacation with his family. He asked Zoya to visit US but confirmed that he will not be able to cancel the planned family time. That gave a strange vibe to Zoya.
Was she alone who enjoyed those love moments?…..No.
Would she have done same thing to Rachit for any relevant matter?…..No.
Was Rachit ready to face Anup or anyone else, if Zoya will announce pregnancy?.….No.
Zoya never asked for emotional support to anyone else, other than parents and best friends, during any phase of life. She felt weak when Rachit seemed restrained in his responses. With a formal tone, when Rachit hesitantly asked her, if she wanted him to be with her, she denied. After all, many other matters were taken care being alone in past and she felt it was not going the way she had expected. After some discussion, Rachit gave freedom to Zoya to decide about it and assured to be with her for whatever decision she would make.
Already two weeks had gone past missed date and morning sickness was showing up. Physical and emotional weakness was taking over. With no multiple options, Zoya decided to abort the dream of her life. She always wanted to have a kid with Rachit because she knew the love chemistry between two smart people would definitely be a reason of jealousy for the world. But who gets everything they want?
She went to gynecologist the same evening, after discussion with Rachit. While ultrasound, when she saw that tiny dot on screen, her eyes got teary. No one other than her would have ever understood the pain, she felt inside. She explained to doctor that her husband was in US and this pregnancy was a result of an unprotected moment. Doctor asked her to think again but she made it clear that she cannot continue with the pregnancy. Finally doctor asked her to be present with her husband for abortion. Zoya was terrified. How she would tell Anup that she was pregnant when she knew that Anup and she did not slept in same bed since long? She kept arguing with doctor that her husband cannot be back from US for this and ultimately, after long round of arguments, doctor was convinced. She asked Zoya to be present with any one supportive person and Zoya agreed, not knowing to whom she could ask for, to be together.
Very next moment after coming out of clinic, Zoya sent those ultrasound images and her decision to Rachit. He was almost on plane, leaving for vacation with family. Both were emotional and no one could console the other. Zoya, with a mountain of guilt about not able to keep alive the dream cried hard at one end and at the other end, Rachit too could not control tears. What a destiny!!
The other day, Zoya told Anup that she will have to be at work for more than 12 hours as the team was supposed to deliver the final version of product. Working in same field, Anup could understand and as usual, was supportive. Zoya left home early in the morning, without eating anything, as per doctor’s instruction. Her lifetime best friend, Trisha, was accompanying her. Zoya did not tell anything to Trisha and Trisha did not ask for details. I think that’s how best friends are. You do not get into details but you are there for the other. Rachit and Zoya were in touch with each other via WhatsApp. Rather than some words of being guilty of not being together, he did not have much to say. And the moment was there.
Zoya was asked to be in Operation Theater and at the entrance, she stopped and cried hard. This was not she imagined as a part of worst dream of her life. The pain of being lonely was unbearable but no one other than Trisha, who was completely unaware about details, was there with her. She walked into Operation Theater with heavy heart and followed instructions from team of doctors. Within couple of minutes, she was unconscious. Doctors completed the work in an expert manner and Zoya was shifted to the private room where Trisha was waiting for her. Looking at Zoya, Trisha was surprised. Her beautiful, head strong and chirpy friend was transformed into weakest person, Trisha had ever seen. She took some pictures of Zoya to discuss about it someday with her. Zoya gained consciousness within couple of hours. Due to some social emergency, Trisha had no choice but to leave Zoya. Being alone in that room, Zoya stared the ceiling. Tears found their way and that moment made her realized, she never felt that lonely in her life.
Why Anup or her parents were not with her? Because she had to hide this from them. And why she had to hide it? Because she did something which she was not supposed to.
Why Rachit was not there with her? Because Rachit had to be present with family for vacation time and Zoya did not want to lose her “strong girl” image, by asking Rachit to be with her.
Why that loneliness was unendurable? Because when you know, you have half city known but you cannot ask anyone to be with you, there cannot be any other more tragic situation in life.
Zoya cried and cried. She sent messages and her pictures (which Trisha had taken) to Rachit but there was no response from Rachit. An hour, two hours, three hours…but there was no response at all. The one, who promised to be together, had almost disappeared.
After 3 hours, with the help of hospital staff, she recollected herself and completed formalities of discharge while holding certificate of abortion. It was humid afternoon and she was not able to even walk properly. Going home in this situation was not a good idea and there was no other place to go. She got into rickshaw and asked him to drop her at temple. She found a lonely bench near temple and sat there. Feeling thirsty, she did not have stamina to go and buy a bottle of water. She kept sitting there till late evening until it was complete dark and her body strongly declined to follow instructions of mind to be awake. She saw responses from Rachit after 5 long hours and responded to some. Finally, Zoya had no choice but to go home as Anup had already called for twice.
At home, Anup and Navya were shocked after seeing her. She tried to convince them that she had a bad day at work and needed some sleep. In bed, she could not control and after a long day of emotional and physical pain, she slept. When she opened her eyes, she was in hospital room and found Anup and her parents around. Now it was her turn to be dismayed.
What if Anup and parents have known about the pregnancy, was the first thought in her mind?
Apparently, no one uttered single word. Zoya learned that, she bled heavily after she slept and when Anup came to check on her, he had to call Ambulance. For 36 hours, her parents and Anup were with her without eating anything, while trying to understand what was wrong. Zoya felt mountain of guilt.
The person who was responsible for the situation was enjoying vacation with his family and here her family was messed up. She kept asking herself, why she had to go through the pain alone? Why Rachit was not there with her? Why she had to give up on best dream of life? But there was no answer and she knew she was not going to find answers easily. Actually, she was not worried about answers anymore. She had decided something and had asked her mind to take over her heart.
Did the love story really end here?
Should the love story end like this?
Could Rachit have done better?
Why wrong moments teach us right thing?
Stay tuned to learn more about this love birds, who had once promised each other to be with each other, no matter what the situation……Foundation of true love is not that weak or I should say, life always gives third chance to everyone, including Rachit :-).
Its been really long, I documented updates for this but I was waiting for something…..And finally it happened J.
I met Rachit for the first time and could match up the other side of this love story where same intensity and passion was observed. Until today, I have written story from Zoya’s end as I could never knew or got to know feelings from Rachit’s end. Meeting and talking with him proved Zoya’s statement for him 100% true –
They say love happens at first sight but for me, love happened at first chat or first e-mail or first talk. I loved Rachit because unconsciously my mind found out matching frequency with him. The comfort I felt while talking with him, be it any topic, was never experienced with anyone, not even with same gender friends. And the person who makes you feel comfortable is the one, you want to be with and I think that’s how that love feeling in me grew. While spending 12+ years away from him, without single contact, it was a ritual for me, where I was used to talk with him silently. And after reconnecting, when we talked, I found him same, as the one, with whom I was used to talk silently for years. He is able to make me smile, in any situation, while sitting at other end of world…..what else someone expects from love of life?
I must say, Rachit’s answers to my curious questions were reflecting same love chroma, as Zoya expressed. Here are some excerpts from our chit-chat :
I : Rachit, what do you think about experiencing love after almost being settled in life? Isn’t it strange? Isn’t it unacceptable to society?
Rachit : Given years of upbringing in traditional society, I think we both shrugged it off the rare matching frequency even after years, as one off feeling and nothing much. Both of us wanted to make first move but without jeopardizing beautiful relations that was being developed under shadow of love-leaf in outside stormy world of reality. Also, we both were aware of rare second chance and almost last one we had.
Love is exactly like plant growing from Ground. No matter how hard ground is, little fresh seed manages to sprout and thrive. Self denials of feeling from both ends did not do much to prevent us from communicating and planning to meet. And daily communication only worked as fuel for the fire ignited at both ends.
I : What was that moment when this started again or I should say the love connection resumed after years?
Rachit : A meeting, after 6 months of first meet, was the time. For most part, we both kept smiling and teasing and talking. However, on penultimate moment of saying bye, she just moved further and hugged me tight. I was taken aback for a moment and responded with same intensity. On the way back to airport, it felt like heaven. I wanted to hug her and wanted to be like that forever but controlled myself. On the airport, while walking, we instantly held each other’s hands. It was moment of confirmation and commitment for the feeling, which was growing in both of ours heart.
That one moment of love expression was a small enough gap in dam of Love that was hold up. As they said, it is very rare to find someone that you truly love. It is even rare to have that person love you back with same intensity. It is extremely rare to get second chance at the stage in life we had been. We felt extremely fortunate to have found each other in that “Supremely” rare category.
I : When both of you did not have any future, what made you both to go along the path, which society considers as WRONG?
Rachit : We felt connection before 12 years and same connection was still alive. That was the biggest proof that at heart, we both were same, were yearning for each other. Real life did not make much difference because we understood we were part of society but at the same time, we were human being. We wanted to live our lives and there is nothing wrong in it.
As time moved on, we realized that we are perfect for each other. In fact, we were always very perfect for each other like missing puzzle piece. When one stopped dreaming, other started coloring. When one made mental border, other flew them through that line as if border was just a runway. We both are passionate about everything we do in life including making love to each other, virtually, really and physically.
I : Most of the time, Love is named to cover desires of body. Why do you need someone outside marriage when you have companion for all, available for 24/7, under same roof?
Rachit : Everyone has different definition of love. I believe, physical intimacy is the highest manifestation of the love feeling and there is nothing wrong about it. For me and Zoya, it has never been primary factor. As I said, being grown up in traditional society, we both were aware about our boundaries and we were not sure whether we wanted to break it or not. Zoya was very clear about not getting involved physically and I did not have any problem about it. We never forced ourselves for anything. It was a natural flow of love and we both were just enjoying every moment of it.
In our next meeting, Love was in the Air. It was true feeling of First love which is fully reciprocated for both of them. We had lot to talk, lot to share, lot to laugh which was mixed with some shyness and strongest flavor of Love. It was just a perfect combination we had waited for years and thought that we lost all hopes that most precious feeling.
We invented ways like Light out time to hug each other to hide shyness, sleeping hug to hug in bed and get closer, eyes close time to take advantage of light and break barriers etc. The meeting is still as fresh in my mind because I still remember our first candle light dinner on rooftop or endless rides in private elevator so that we could hug without limit. All in all, we both could not have been happier as captured by one of the timeless image we shared.
Next day, we got so engrossed in talk @ Airport that Zoya missed flight. “Yesssssssss !” should have been reaction of mine but I was worried about Zoya. Apparently, she was happy to have missed flight and that gave us another afternoon to be together. But we were still adolescent. As usual, we had lots of laugh, lots of teasing, foreplay but not the supreme manifestation of love to each other.
I : So when that supreme manifestation happened and how do you remember it?
Rachit : After our meeting, I had to go back to real world but was in India again, within 40 days. As soon as we could plan, I decided to visit Zoya on a cold December night. our stomach was floating with anticipation and expectations. We enjoyed 120 minutes long ride to dream destination in that starry night. I almost remember that stars in our eyes were more than in sky on that night. Low temperature of winter could not hold our thumping hearts back. We tried to walk in cold night to see if we could extend our new found youth moments by few more minutes. It did not help much.
Then we were again together. We just wanted to be one. We wanted to truly fly at escape velocity leaving gravity behind. Pretty soon, Love Rhythm began as we were natural lovers. We did not need any coaching or adjusting to each other. We are meant for each other as two ends of magnets are. We felt natural pull towards each other. One moment lead to another and pretty soon, we melted into each other as if two pieces of puzzle fit into each other. We felt ecstatic, we felt that finally we have overcome internal conflicts, external restrictions and True Love had won. What a win it was indeed. The moment that could never be matched. Once in a lifetime moment. Once in a lifetime happiness. We felt like coming out of Robot’s body and being human again.
The next day was not any less exciting…We enjoyed some Honeymoon hours starting from beautiful morning walk to exciting food to exciting ride to lots of laughter together. The movie on next day was like we wanted to laugh together for past 12 years. The sensual moments mixed with genuine laughter made the best feeling we possibly would have never even dare to imagine.
And when I looked at Zoya, I could observe that blush on her face, while Rachit was talking. I had to complement both of them for finding each other as with fast paced era, when we are seeing love stories ending every other moment, this couple survived for almost 14 years and most of the time, without even seeing or talking with each other.
Who says love dies when not watered?
This virtual but more than real couple had redefined love for me and I was happy for both of them. Meeting love of life when you are almost settled with someone else and risking everything for that love is something not everyone does or not everyone gets a chance to do.
By the time, I am planning to end this chapter, Zoya is ready with some more moments to share….
Stay tuned 🙂
That first “Hi” and persistent smile
That soundless walk and uninterrupted silence
That starry night and unsaid spirit of love
That lonely bench on the beach and continuous laughter
That lazy day and silly chit-o-chat
That last “Bye” and endless hopes
That show-up after days and inseparable hug
That what..if moment and dreamful air castles
That fun-filled teasing and our unmatched friendship
That unshared secret and our infinite love
My mind keeps replaying the moments…..Which my heart could never forget….
You and I…..
An unfinished business always…
The Unstoppables 🙂
One day, I just want to fly like a free bird, with you
One day, I just want to dance in rain, with you
One day, I just want to walk on white sand, with you
One day, I just want to sit idle and cuddle up under starts, with you
One day, i just want to word my love for you
I want all those one day to be on same “one day”…..maybe today 🙂