Every other day, we hear about secret affairs/ extra marital relationships and someone being in multiple relationships at a time. While all of our response is big “haaaaaah”, understanding this changing behavior of society is interesting.
Why anyone looks for option in relationship?
Why someone takes risk to live life fully, at a cost of existing “OK” life?
Why no value is effective when it comes to breaking societal rules?
Unsatisfied emotional needs : A prime factor, leads any male/female to non-monogamy. Marriage or commitment does not guarantee emotional satisfaction. Sometimes, even after spending years together under common roof, a couple is not able to understand each other’s emotional needs and when one finds the compatible match, he/she definitely is tempted to go for it. It’s not that someone is desperately looking for option but when it happens, guilt is overruled by happiness of having someone like-minded.
Secret pleasure : We humans, are risk takers. We love to do things which we are not supposed to do and that give us unusual joy and terrific confidence boost. That secret pleasure of texting/meeting/talking with someone secretively, gives a feeling of teenage, which everyone of us likes at any age 🙂
Lack of variety in sexual life : A bitter truth of real-life, of marriage, of monogamy and of being into relationship. It might seem contradictory to all those love statements or all those love commitments but sex plays a major role in defining relationship between a male and a female. After being with same person for years, all those love makings feel like routine and humans do not like routine. We seek variety and there is nothing wrong in it.
Phase of life and circumstances : Quite relevant to emotional dissatisfaction, this considers other factors like age, hurting in past, revenge feeling and many others. Of course, being in relationship, we all are expected to act maturity but it does not happen always. Hurting from the partner, long term sickness, disinterest in sex, risk taking abilities, success and failures are major defining factors in getting into non-monogamy.
Well, nothing can be concluded as something wrong for someone proves absolutely right for the other one. Therefore, this is just a matter of individual choices, maturity, understanding of societal pressure and above all, feeling of true love, for which everyone of us is always looking for.
Love is not about distance, It’s about how much the person means to you
Love is not about being together, It’s about creating memories together
Loving someone who is at the other corner of world and what that feeling means…..a brief summary here (I know a book can be written :-)). Being in LDR, love means,
Having fun in each other’s virtual company : You both are away from each other but together virtually. For every moment, you feel the other person around, whether its cafeteria or kitchen or meeting room…..and thinking about what you both would have done at the very moment, if together, makes your face blush and radiant at the same time. Yes, Love is all about FUN in the company of each other.
Missing but smiling : Yes, you read it right. Missing that someone special brings back so many beautiful memories to you and makes you smiling rather than being sad. That is the power of LOVE.
Finding new techniques and technologies to communicate : Yes, for most part of life you are away from each other but you are constantly in touch, sharing thoughts, laughs and feelings. While most couples love to stick to single media of communication, trying different apps to chat and talk and play games and sharing interests helps in adding playfulness to the relationship.
Dreaming and anticipating next meet : The next date of meeting is the only thing that makes distance survivable. Planning and anticipating minute details about the special day and re-planning and re-imagining and re-planning is the continuous loop until the actual meet happens. When the reality of being away for most part of life is bitter than being next to each other for sometime, building castles in air helps :-).
Giving space to each other : Yes, you love each other but you are an independent personalities. Mature love understands that everyone needs space and giving each other that most required space surely helps in strengthening the bond.
Realizing what “Love” actually means : Being away from love of life results in either being more demanding, cranky, irritating and frustrating or being more mature, understanding and tolerant. You realize what is most important for you, value of time being together and how to make it work in different situations.
Getting lost in each other’s arms for those few real moments : Finally when lovebirds see each other, forgetting world seems better option. You feel like that tight hug was the only thing you were longing for and that smile on his/her face was the only thing you were dying for. Life suddenly seems blissful and the mirror suddenly shows the “complete” YOU :-).