L is for Love…..
They say love happens once in a lifetime…..I won’t mind it happening multiple times….with same person 🙂
With so many questions and lots of confusion, Keya lay on floor and slept there. In the morning, when she woke up, whole body was in pain but routine duties were waiting. After saying bye to Vihan at school, she got busy in kitchen. NImit woke up and briefly hugged her. This routine process felt odd to her today but at the same time thoughts started flowing…..
After all, he cares for me so much…
How can I think of my happy marriage as cage?
Not everyone is lucky like me to have a husband like Nimit….
It’s me who is not able to do anything….I cannot blame Nimit for that….
On breakfast table, while sipping coffee, Nimit stared at her. This lady in low bun had changed his life completely, he thought to himself. Any man feels contented and be successful only when he feels peace at home…..I am lucky, he talked to himself.
Why are you looking so tired? Did not you sleep well last night? Nimit asked.
Keya came out from thought chain suddenly.
Just overworked, she made it short.
Please take rest and take care of yourself, Nimit continued.
Why does he cares for me so much?
How could I think of going away from this guy? He has given me life, again thoughts took over.
I am not suffering. I am happy where I am, she silently convinced herself.
But the creator of life knows about your happiness better than you. In the afternoon, when she reached school to pick Vihan, she saw Ankur. She literally started walking in opposite direction. She had decided to not face Ankur again.
I do not want to make myself realize what leaders do and how I should take out time to follow my passion, she said to herself sarcastically.
But…….Better plans, as I said 🙂
Hi Keya, how are you doing today? Ankur was standing in front of him when she reached the second gate of school.
With no option, she smiled briefly and nodded. She did not care to ask him his or Revati’s well being.
Ankur stared at her for 10 seconds….
Keya, you look drained….Are you OK? Can I help you? With genuine concern, he asked.
I am OK and my lovely husband cares for me so much. He showed same concern today morning and if anything, I have to do, I will do it, Keya replied rudely.
Ankur was taken aback.
He just smiled and shrugged. Not able to understand, what went wrong, Ankur decided to move away. Keya breathed deep and went to pick Vihan. But her mind was on work.
I was not supposed to be that rude.
He did not do anything wrong to me. He just showed concern. Her left mind processed.
But why should he? What difference does it make to him? The right mind was ready with argument.
Well, he might be just like this, with everyone. I am taking it too personally….the left mind resigned.
But she could not forgive herself. In the afternoon, when Vihan went for a nap, she accessed the Parents’ section in his Almanac. School was used to publish both parents’ phone numbers in almanac for the particular class so that parents can be in touch with each other. She searched for Ankur and found his phone number.
On dial pad, she entered the number but could not press Dial.
What will he think if I call him? Left mind started
Well, you just want to say sorry…there is no wrong signal. Right mind defended.
But he might be busy. I should not disturb him….left mind started finding excuses to not follow right mind.
Then leave message atleast, the right mind had instant solution.
Finally, she was convinced to say sorry via message. And this is how, the never ending message chain started.
[3:05:30 pm] keya : Hi Ankur, Keya here. Just wanted to say sorry about whatever happened at school gate today. I did not mean to hurt you.
[3:05:42 pm] Ankur : Hey keya, don’t be sorry. I was just concerned. Don’t think so much. Mood swings happen with everyone. I tolerate it everyday by being with Revati :-).
The prompt response and that “mood swing” word instantly spread smile on Keya’s face.
[3:06:22 pm] Keya : Thanks for the understanding. Revati is really lucky 🙂.
Keya was amazed at her own response but before she could think much, she realized the message was already delivered.
[3:06:40 pm] Ankur : Yeah, I too feel same way. Revati is lucky and Nimit is very lucky :-):-).
The statement violated her heart beats rate but she did not wanted to be over sentimental again.
[3:08:00 pm] Keya : Grass is always greener on other side :-):-).
[3:08:30 pm] Ankur : its only because we are habituated to see the greenery far away from us and have accepted that it cannot be ours.
Keya was dumbfounded. She did not expect one more life truth coming in flow of chat.
Do not want to start it again, let me cut it short, she told herself.
[3:12:00 pm[ Keya : So right. That’s how we have been nurtured and society has been formed.
[3:12:02 pm] Keya : Need to rush…..Thanks for your time Ankur.
Keya made it simple and short, without emotions and stared at phone screen.
[3:13:00 pm] Ankur : Sure Keya, please carry on. I will wait for your next message.
And again thought flow started at other end.
Why would he wait for my message? She kept thinking while preparing dinner, while evening walk, while talking with neighbors. Ankur was ruling her mind today. She kept looking at notifications but there was no more messages from Ankur.
On dinner table, when Nimit asked about her day, she was irritated.
My days are no different. I am not doing anything different. Just taking care of your home and kid, she said loudly.
Nimit was shocked by her reaction.
Is she the same keya? He thought to himself but decided to not argue and got busy with his phone.
Keya wrapped up kitchen, helped Vihan for his homework, tucked him in bed and got into shower. But thoughts were overwhelming.
Why he did not send any message if he was so eager to wait for it? Left mind.
The latest technology and instant messengers have made us so impatient. We want everything instant because wait is always difficult.
Finally on bed, while Nimit was still busy with his phone, she took her phone and checked messages and felt shiver. Ankur’s message was there, almost 15 minutes ago.
[10:15:03 pm] Ankur : Waited for your message for whole evening. Seems you are busy. Hope you are enjoying evening.
[10:32:14 pm] Keya : Yup, had a busy evening. Hope you are enjoying evening too.
Almost 10 minutes and there was no response. She kept checking phone. And now impatient, she started cursing herself.
I was not supposed to respond. Why did I do it? Left mind….
Oh come on, don’t be silly. The way you were busy, he might be busy too….Right mind.
But why should I think about him? Left mind….
But before right mind could respond, she heard one more notification tone and checked phone again. It was most awaited message this time.
[10:46:55 pm] Ankur : Oh yeah, had a good evening.
[10:46:58 pm] Ankur : Planning to sleep?
For a moment, keya felt jealous and weird. How come he can have good evening while I kept thinking about him for whole evening? She could not control the sarcasm…
[10:47:03 pm] Keya : Yeah, I thought so…you must have been enjoying evening because I did not see any message earlier.
[10:47:10 pm] Ankur : Wow, so you thought about me? Lucky I am J
[10:47:14 pm] Ankur : Would love to talk if you are not sleepy.
Keya was taken aback with this straight flirt statement.
[10:47:49 pm] Keya : Actually I am very sleepy. Good night.
And she saw one more prompt response.
[10:48:00 pm] Ankur : OK…Good night. Wake up happy. Talk to you soon.
Not sure where this chat was leading, Keya tried to sleep but one more consecutive night was waiting for her….to introspect, to silently blame, to decide something and to lay down on floor.
What do you think? Where this story should/would lead?
Keya and Ankur, met for first time in school function of their kids. You can read part of that story here.
Before Keya could forget first meeting, Ankur was in front of her again. This time, in different surrounding. While Keya was looking for Nimit’s favorite crackers at super market, she saw that warm smile again. While she was still in dilemma to go to Ankur or not, she saw him coming to her. Unconsciously, she pulled down her waist length pink shirt and made hair with hands.
Hey Keya, Ankur waved from a feet length.
She just smiled.
How are you? He asked casually.
I am good. How is Revati? Keya tried to divert the talk, while trying to not give wrong signal to Ankur.
Oh, she is doing good but still not recovered completely, Ankur replied.
And 10 seconds long silence, where both of them did not know what to talk about.
OK, I need to leave….see you soon, Keya tried to sneak out but her mouth spoke her mind. She wanted to see Ankur soon, again.
If you are not in hurry, let’s have ice-cream together, Ankur offered.
Ummm….ok, confused Keya could not say No. When she could? From silent rape from Nimit to constant demands from son, she could never deny. While thinking whether she had done right thing or not, she started walking with Ankur.
Which flavor? Ankur asked enthusiastically at ice-cream corner in super market.
Anything….Keya was confused again.
Oh come on, you must have some favorite flavors…Strawberry, Coconut, Coffee, Chocolate, Ankur started speaking out each flavor available.
Coconut, Keya said hurriedly to stop him
Two coconut ice-cream, Ankur ordered and they both sat on a table.
Ankur was still very casual but with each passing moment Keya was getting more and more conscious about this ice-cream treat.
One more long silence before ice-cream served.
So what do you do Keya? On first spoon Ankur asked.
Nothing, she said for a moment and responded.
Well, I meant, what are your hobbies?, Ankur
Oh, I have many hobbies but now a days, I do not get time at all, words came out of mouth before Keya could control
Happens…..I keep telling Revati to take out some time to re-consider her hobbies but she is not at all interested, Ankur said it casually again.
For a moment, Keya felt jealous for Revati. How lucky she was. Her husband was asking her to take out time whereas Nimit was used to express demands.
You did not answer, what do you like to do, Ankur re-phrased the question this time.
Oh, I like music, books, colors, dance, crafts….Keya started
Wow, seems you are good at many things, Ankur responded encouragingly.
Yeah, I was used to be a leader during college time, have won many competitions for singing and dancing, Keya enthusiastically spoke. Her favorite flavored ice-cream plus someone who was ready to listen to her, had made this shrinking lady blooming for a moment.
You should start all of it again, Ankur said.
I so want to but now a days, life is busy. I hardly have anytime for me, Keya was opening up.
If you were leader, you should know that time management is the important characteristic. If you cannot manage your time, you can not manage anything else, Ankur said while looking into her eyes straight.
And those words worked as an alarm for her. She felt like she was sleeping for long time and suddenly someone woke her up. Rest of the ice-cream melted while she stared at it and her mind started playing the movie of last 10 years when she did not do anything much other than fulfilling others’ demand.
And a call from Nimit brought her in real life again.
I will have to leave, she said to Ankur, after 20 seconds of talk on phone.
Sure. Thanks for the company, Ankur was still casual.
Thanks for the ice-cream, Keya smiled consciously and left.
Why married women have to be conscious while even smiling with other males? Well, Indian society works that way.
Later in the evening, two people were awake till late, while thinking about each other.
Ankur and Keya….they did not know, what destiny had for them 🙂
And Keya stared at her phone screen….The bright screen stressed her eyes in dark room but she could not put it off. At the age of 36, when you are too busy with kids, family and social life, if you read “I Love You” from someone special (who is not your husband) at 2 am in the morning, it surely makes you numb. And that is what Keya was….
Meeting with Ankur was just a co-incidence. A year back, at annual function in school, where her son grabbed 3 prizes, Keya was beaming with pride and that is where Ankur came to her with a warm smile, congratulating her. In 2 minutes talk with Ankur, Keya learned that Ankur’s daughter was a classmate of her son and a good friend of his too. Keya asked for Revati, Ankur’s wife and he said, she was not well. A formal bye and back to real life…that’s how first meeting ended.
Later in the day, while talking with Nimit, her husband, Keya mentioned the talk with Ankur. As usual, Nimit was busy with business call. This was routine for the couple. No fights, no arguments, no discussions and no excitement. Sometimes Keya wondered what she was looking forward in life. But a self-talk about society praising Nimit so much as husband, was always used to be helpful. Keya did not have any complaint but life was not she had thought of or imagined.
A creative mind with full of life, Keya was used to be a leader personality. Her confidence always put her ahead of crowd. “I get what I want” was her mantra for life. When girls of her age were used to worry about make-up and fashion, this girl with thick glasses was used to lose herself in romance novels. But romance never happened in real time for Keya. May be because of her personality, may be because of her expectations, may be because of her attitude or may be because of her patient nature to wait for right person. Again, when other girls were used to talk about BFs, Keya was used to be happy with her daydreams.
Time flew by and before Keya could realize the loss of golden teenage years, Nimit was in her life – of course, arranged marriages work that way only. You blink and you are in lifelong, society approved bondage with the most unknown person and whether you like (forget about love) or not, you are supposed to make a lemonade from sour limes. Keya accepted Nimit with whole heart but Nimit kept failing in meeting her expectations – those little gestures, she was waiting for him to do, she was excited to share with him, never happened. And Keya started shrinking. That bubbly, independent, leader had transformed to kind, confused, introvert and respectful mother after 10 years of marriage life. Occasional fulfillment of biological needs, constant stress to meet expectations from everyone around and almost no time for self, that’s how life was for her, until……
When you think you are settled with life and have accepted the circumstances, life surprises you :-). And with silent but strong intention to change her life, Ankur entered into her life….
Stay tuned to know more about what happened to Keya (and Ankur)…..
Not sure why updating about love stories via words is always so difficult. I would rather prefer to tell this story in person to see and understand reaction but I know, its not feasible. So let me make you virtual part of Zoya and Rachit’s life, to see, feel, understand and experience what love is and believe me, it never ends.
While being truly into each other and most of the time away from each other, these madly in love couple never felt distance as a barrier. Rachit increased frequency of India visits and Zoya was used to run away with him over weekends, on the name of travel for work. Being with each other for the little time, made them understand how intensely they wanted to be with each other and what all kind of adjustments they were ready to do in real life, just to spend some time with each other. With every passing day, the love plant was nurtured by warm hearts and dreams of being together. But as they say, nothing continues forever. Life took a turn and put Zoya and Rachit on opposite ends.
That small moment of love started growing inside Zoya and she was scared when it was confirmed. It was not that she was fearful about society but she was not sure what to do. With Anup, her husband, she had rare physical relations and being nicer, Anup never forced about it. Her pregnancy announcement would have definitely raised questions, if not from anyone else, from Anup for sure. Zoya was thrilled with an idea to nurture the seed of love of Rachit and hers but of course, real life does not work with thrills only.
Zoya talked with Rachit and he was thrilled too but was not sure what to do. He was in US and was about to leave for a vacation with his family. He asked Zoya to visit US but confirmed that he will not be able to cancel the planned family time. That gave a strange vibe to Zoya.
Was she alone who enjoyed those love moments?…..No.
Would she have done same thing to Rachit for any relevant matter?…..No.
Was Rachit ready to face Anup or anyone else, if Zoya will announce pregnancy?.….No.
Zoya never asked for emotional support to anyone else, other than parents and best friends, during any phase of life. She felt weak when Rachit seemed restrained in his responses. With a formal tone, when Rachit hesitantly asked her, if she wanted him to be with her, she denied. After all, many other matters were taken care being alone in past and she felt it was not going the way she had expected. After some discussion, Rachit gave freedom to Zoya to decide about it and assured to be with her for whatever decision she would make.
Already two weeks had gone past missed date and morning sickness was showing up. Physical and emotional weakness was taking over. With no multiple options, Zoya decided to abort the dream of her life. She always wanted to have a kid with Rachit because she knew the love chemistry between two smart people would definitely be a reason of jealousy for the world. But who gets everything they want?
She went to gynecologist the same evening, after discussion with Rachit. While ultrasound, when she saw that tiny dot on screen, her eyes got teary. No one other than her would have ever understood the pain, she felt inside. She explained to doctor that her husband was in US and this pregnancy was a result of an unprotected moment. Doctor asked her to think again but she made it clear that she cannot continue with the pregnancy. Finally doctor asked her to be present with her husband for abortion. Zoya was terrified. How she would tell Anup that she was pregnant when she knew that Anup and she did not slept in same bed since long? She kept arguing with doctor that her husband cannot be back from US for this and ultimately, after long round of arguments, doctor was convinced. She asked Zoya to be present with any one supportive person and Zoya agreed, not knowing to whom she could ask for, to be together.
Very next moment after coming out of clinic, Zoya sent those ultrasound images and her decision to Rachit. He was almost on plane, leaving for vacation with family. Both were emotional and no one could console the other. Zoya, with a mountain of guilt about not able to keep alive the dream cried hard at one end and at the other end, Rachit too could not control tears. What a destiny!!
The other day, Zoya told Anup that she will have to be at work for more than 12 hours as the team was supposed to deliver the final version of product. Working in same field, Anup could understand and as usual, was supportive. Zoya left home early in the morning, without eating anything, as per doctor’s instruction. Her lifetime best friend, Trisha, was accompanying her. Zoya did not tell anything to Trisha and Trisha did not ask for details. I think that’s how best friends are. You do not get into details but you are there for the other. Rachit and Zoya were in touch with each other via WhatsApp. Rather than some words of being guilty of not being together, he did not have much to say. And the moment was there.
Zoya was asked to be in Operation Theater and at the entrance, she stopped and cried hard. This was not she imagined as a part of worst dream of her life. The pain of being lonely was unbearable but no one other than Trisha, who was completely unaware about details, was there with her. She walked into Operation Theater with heavy heart and followed instructions from team of doctors. Within couple of minutes, she was unconscious. Doctors completed the work in an expert manner and Zoya was shifted to the private room where Trisha was waiting for her. Looking at Zoya, Trisha was surprised. Her beautiful, head strong and chirpy friend was transformed into weakest person, Trisha had ever seen. She took some pictures of Zoya to discuss about it someday with her. Zoya gained consciousness within couple of hours. Due to some social emergency, Trisha had no choice but to leave Zoya. Being alone in that room, Zoya stared the ceiling. Tears found their way and that moment made her realized, she never felt that lonely in her life.
Why Anup or her parents were not with her? Because she had to hide this from them. And why she had to hide it? Because she did something which she was not supposed to.
Why Rachit was not there with her? Because Rachit had to be present with family for vacation time and Zoya did not want to lose her “strong girl” image, by asking Rachit to be with her.
Why that loneliness was unendurable? Because when you know, you have half city known but you cannot ask anyone to be with you, there cannot be any other more tragic situation in life.
Zoya cried and cried. She sent messages and her pictures (which Trisha had taken) to Rachit but there was no response from Rachit. An hour, two hours, three hours…but there was no response at all. The one, who promised to be together, had almost disappeared.
After 3 hours, with the help of hospital staff, she recollected herself and completed formalities of discharge while holding certificate of abortion. It was humid afternoon and she was not able to even walk properly. Going home in this situation was not a good idea and there was no other place to go. She got into rickshaw and asked him to drop her at temple. She found a lonely bench near temple and sat there. Feeling thirsty, she did not have stamina to go and buy a bottle of water. She kept sitting there till late evening until it was complete dark and her body strongly declined to follow instructions of mind to be awake. She saw responses from Rachit after 5 long hours and responded to some. Finally, Zoya had no choice but to go home as Anup had already called for twice.
At home, Anup and Navya were shocked after seeing her. She tried to convince them that she had a bad day at work and needed some sleep. In bed, she could not control and after a long day of emotional and physical pain, she slept. When she opened her eyes, she was in hospital room and found Anup and her parents around. Now it was her turn to be dismayed.
What if Anup and parents have known about the pregnancy, was the first thought in her mind?
Apparently, no one uttered single word. Zoya learned that, she bled heavily after she slept and when Anup came to check on her, he had to call Ambulance. For 36 hours, her parents and Anup were with her without eating anything, while trying to understand what was wrong. Zoya felt mountain of guilt.
The person who was responsible for the situation was enjoying vacation with his family and here her family was messed up. She kept asking herself, why she had to go through the pain alone? Why Rachit was not there with her? Why she had to give up on best dream of life? But there was no answer and she knew she was not going to find answers easily. Actually, she was not worried about answers anymore. She had decided something and had asked her mind to take over her heart.
Did the love story really end here?
Should the love story end like this?
Could Rachit have done better?
Why wrong moments teach us right thing?
Stay tuned to learn more about this love birds, who had once promised each other to be with each other, no matter what the situation……Foundation of true love is not that weak or I should say, life always gives third chance to everyone, including Rachit :-).
Those droplets of water
When started pouring
My wishes got wings
Eyes got uninvited dreams
And heart went on perpetual journey
How perfect it would have been
To be on beach at this time
To talk with you silently
To make castle of wet sand
To look at never ending water
To walk with you infinitely
And allowing rain to make us miserable
Suddenly, you remember
“we should have it, rightnow”
You say mischievously
I try to read your eyes
But fail to understand
You hold my hand and start walking
I get shiver in spine
Anticipation of next few moments
Excitement of being with you
Happiness of being in rain, finally
And you suddenly wake me up from my rain dream
“Here is your garam chai ki pyaali”, you say
And I still see same smile on your face
Not sure to smile on my daydream
Or to be angry with your stupidity,
I sip tea while looking at you,
Thinking what kind of coaching you need
I smile silently and wink at you….
My love, I finally utter
But before I could speak,
You jumped in….
Ï know you want second cup of tea
And I laughed….
My idiot, I want to dance with you in rain,
I speak silently with a wide smile
Its been almost 10 years now but memories of that movie is still as fresh as it was yesterday. And as if it was planned, got a chance to watch that movie again, as a part of family movie night. I know, lots of articles have been written about this movie but could not resist the urge to contribute mine :-)….Happy reading…
Love does not know right or wrong
Take Risks, play hard, don’t blame others…
Love yourself and everyone else will
Life is all about little moments….Live it
People management is a skill
Burn and flush the past…Start new
Love is an extension of invisible friendship
The dark and rainy night out there
The thunderstorm of emotions inside
The never ending salty ocean out there
The heartwarming sweet river inside
The loneliness in crowd outside
The companionship for life inside
The right combinations outside
The perfect match with all imperfections, inside
Battling between this in and out
Trying to balance this in and out
We lost so much of life by being away
We lived so much of life with memories only
We waited so much of life for perfect time
Lets forget the world
Lets cross the time sea
Lets melt into each other
Lets do what we have been made for
Lets build life with each other
Let me look into your eyes
And let me tell you,
I love you to the moon and back 🙂
When I look at the endless salty ocean
I am happy that I have glass of drinking water
When I look at the unknown crowd
I am happy that I have you who is known
When I look at the sun and the moon
I am happy that I am alive for you
When I look at the old couple
I am happy that I will have you forever
When I look back to my younger self
I am happy that I grew mature to match you
And when I look forward…..
I am thankful that the tunnel is about to end
Sunshine is ready to brighten the life
And the real happiness is waiting for us….
Loving someone and being loved with same intensity by same person is the rarest melody
being sung by emotions, wishes, dreams, hopes, desires, trust, loyalty and passion, in chorus….
Lucky to have you!!